Sweet Nothings

I'm not sure why i've been feeling some what like when i was back in secondary school again..
I feel like i don't feel i'm trusted it like that sort of everyone seem to be sharing a little bit of themselves to the person they give space to, not including the leaders. Also i do feel a little bit exclusive and forgotten. I don't mean my church leaders, team leaders and group mates are neglecting me but more or last i feel detached from something now and is independent(sort of). Sometimes i kind of think will it be just like anyother oridinary friendships that i'm going to have like in secondary school?

Perhaps i think it's got to do with something about my self not being BIG-hearted. That what qiqi told me when i told her about this and was discipled by her( though we are blood sisters, we are also spiritual sisters, we help each other to grow spiritually). I don't go the extra mile for the people around me she says. Not truly understanding people and through this, i exlcuded myself and think the world excluded me, thus my introvert self is formed.

Sometimes, it's tired to really push yourself to get people to know you as well as it takes a large amount of courage too. I admit i'm not bold, in fact i'm equivalent to the chinese term " shuo tou wu gui", a coward. However, i know that my life now is different from the life before i was found. I think i want to make it a point to people that i am available, i want to earn your trust and i know Jesus and my spiritual family will help me to be a better person.

This weekend, Pastor How spoke about being in a ministry, doing your part in serving and be yourself, an Original and not a Photocopy. I decide to call up my cafe cap'n and yang xinyi(My Building Management Agent) for duty and i'll try to be myself more and get more DISCIPLESHIP(erm.. ALERT?! I've haven't been gettin' any discipling lately is there something wrong that should not know??) to improve myself, starting with trying to be BIG-hearted..

posted by Lucinda @ 9:06 PM